Su'zerkial's Book Reviews

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Su'zerkial's Book Reviews

Post by Paul Tergeist on Fri Nov 24, 2017 5:53 pm

My latest acquisition has been the book called How to Summon Legends for Nimrods by Amethyst Yasmin Theresa Huerta the third, a book that was given to me by the Occult Sector's Leader Paul Tergiest. He claims it was a family heirloom, but when I inquired why he would give such a thing away he responded with a gruff. "Does that mean you don't want it?" Which I took as an opportunity to shut up and take the book he kindly offered me.

He gave it to me when I inquired about a factual book on the Pokemon Gods of Earth. When pressed he exclaimed that the book was the only totally factual book on the subject. Which I find highly suspect upon a cursory read of the book.

The book is of obvious amateur make, possessing no table of contents nor index. Its mainly written as a first account of various methods to summon the Gods through various Occult rituals with a complete listing of ingredients and exact mathematical accounting of the geometry of the Occult circles. It mentions various rituals with varying level of effect from vocal contact to full summoning examples.

It also lists accounts of contact with the Gods in question. The various topics, deals, and challenges the author went through when dealing with them. This is where I began to suspect the book of duplicity as Ms. Huerta would have been a complete lunatic to attempt what she was trying in all of these exchanges.

To sum it up, she was trying to kill a God. It seems that early in her career as a 'God-Botherer' (her own words. Page 275) she had summoned the Pokemon God of the Distortion realm and gate keeper to the Spiritual Plane. She made a deal for power with him and was cursed, she took extreme exception to this and her grudge started. It would seem it started as a simple rebellion, but as Giratina's requests became more extreme and his punishments on her more severe, she turned from resentment to hatred. She was already vying for power from the other Gods she came across in what I can only describe as the island chain with the highest concentration of divine that has ever existed.

It all culminated in her friend being taken from her and turned into Giratina's puppet to be used in a plan to gain power over the world through force. At the end of what could be lovingly called the Giratina arc of her life she had gained the favor of 5 Gods and with their assistance had an epic final battle against a crazed Giratina.

She speculates later that Giratina's curse on her linked them together in a bid for Giratina to gain more power through a funnel that was place in her chest. She used this link and her Occult rituals she had already been practicing to rip the divinity out of Giratina's dying body and claim it for herself. As she put it, there needs to be a ruler of the Distortion.

The issue... was she was forced into a lopsided deal with Tarravoid. Her next arc is how The Void God, had to be disposed from her Distortion, she left it to fail to manage the Distortion for many years as she gained strength as the new Giratina. This book doesn't tell the tale of how she ousted the invader, as it seems to have been written before the final bout with him. I can only imagine it went well as she described exhaustively how the Void and the Distortion were not as compatible as Tarravoid had thought and it's struggles at having true control over it. She speculated that if she failed the distortion would become void and the world would lose it's anchor.

Here's why all that is Ponyta shit. None of these rituals work. I have tried a few of them with the help of an occultism student from the Occult Sector School. She's got some true talent for this sort of thing, she said before we tried them that the rituals didn't make any sense and would never work. We tried them anyways and lo-and-behold they do not function in any capacity much less summoning Gods.

At least its weighty and sturdy. The thing doesn't seem to even feel it when I hit things with it... I think I am gonna use this with my telekinesis as a surprisingly effective weapon.

3/10 It reads like middle school fanfiction.

Paul Tergeist
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Re: Su'zerkial's Book Reviews

Post by Skye on Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:59 am

New Comment from ☆StarChaser☆:
Wow, that was very in-depth! I can't believe this book said it wasn't a work of fiction - some of my comics are more believable than this, haha! ( ̄▽ ̄)

☆StarChaser☆ has subscribed.
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How to Xmas by Tamden

Post by Paul Tergeist on Tue Dec 26, 2017 12:42 pm

I just had my first experience with the human traditional holiday named Christmas. I thought to alleviate my ignorance I should seek guidance from the humans themselves. Luckily after looking I found a book that laid it all out simply for me.

How to Xmas by Tamden (no last name given strangely) was everything I could ask for in a winter holiday manual. It was like the author was used to teaching the ignorant. He spelled everything out in much detail. Normally an author would presume some knowledge on the part of the reader, and this turns out to be the right choice... normally.

I have no idea why the author would presume ignorance, could it be he was writing this in the event of someone from a whole separate culture would need a crash course in the most commonly celebrated human holiday. He spent a whole chapter on snowman production. It was incredibly thorough.

Well, that's my hope anyway. The only other explanation I can think of was Tamden was an asshole. In the dedication he wrote. "To Tobias. Is this a complete enough explanation to get through to you, you pedantic prick?" I prefer to believe he wrote it for people like me. It helped me sleep after I realized I would have never understood this whole thing without it.

On the note of holidays. Humans do that? I don't know how to explain how foreign it is to my people to have special days on which you schedule events in means to honor something so long ago in the past that the event itself is no longer the focus of the celebration due to millennia of the concept of "the telephone game" being applied to a cultural event. Sylph don't even have birthdays, but forget your human best friend's birthday, you better prepare to become a social pariah.

I sit here and sigh as I end another book review that turned into more of a rant. I should just go to sleep and try to forget that reality can glitch out like a damned retro video game. The stress of interaction with humans was not overstated in the brochure.

8/10 Please don't be a manual written to make fun of someone.

Paul Tergeist
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